Throughout my journey of self discovery I was able to fight a lot of inner battles that I have with myself. I made reasonable progress with some like insecurities, and totally removed some like self sustained anger. It's not easy, it requires a lot of self convincing and believing in yourself, being able to hear your inner voice and firm enough to make decisions based on real life, what the voice says and what would be best.
My only problem is, I listen to that voice a lot, I don't want to call it instinct because that is a different kind of feeling on its own, this voice talks to me, and it is such a coward Oh My God!. I don't know who owns it but someone hurt this voice in its past life and now it thinks everything in life is negative. Y'all this voice legit made reality look like some horrible story about heartbreak from everything and anything (it be like that sometimes though).
Now what it does is hold me back, and instill fear inside me, the biggest of all being fear of rejection(strikes right through my heart because why would you say no to me😭?), and in a life where I'm trying to make something out of myself from completely nothing, I make like 0% progress in a year because I need influential people and those people can always say no, and that is exactly what I cannot live with, so I end up not trying at all.
I hate this a lot, it makes me cry sometimes(I cry over so many things, I have a lot of tears), but I always remind myself that one great thing about all this is that I keep my feelings guarded at all times. I do not intentionally cause pain upon my emotions and would avoid it at all costs. This tells me that I care about me, and my mental health and that is absolutely beautiful. I love that for myself.
But if that is about it, then I will never try anything in my life that would be worth my while because I'm scared and that is not cool.
I want to say it's okay to be fearful, it means you feel and you don't want to intentionally or warily cause harm. Fear is a normal feeling, it does not mean you are weak or you are a coward, it means you care and understand the later damage some actions might cause.
What we can do is work on our emotional intelligence to combat the power of fear from holding us back when pursuing our dreams. That is, give our best efforts and apply pressure, have positive thoughts but when anticipating, anticipate neutrally, understand that anything can happen and that negative outcomes are normal. Yes that might mean you are less of whatever another person is more of but that's just how life is, and that won't always be the case, that part was just not your portion.
I'm slowly working on it, on understanding. I'm making slow progress but I know what I have to do and I'm doing it. Rome wasn't built in one day🙈.
Rejection does not mean you are not enough, it means opportunity to try again. And if it does mean you are not enough, then it's a chance to do more so you can be more than enough.
PS: I don't believe what I just wrote but I know my life will be much better once I start believing it.
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